The other day Sophia came home with a new book from the school library (right, not the public library - now try to keep those books seperated). She has always had a strong interest in the creepy stuff, so the book she brought was not a suprise. When we read it, though, it suddenly struck me: that was me, right there:
The book is Monster Mama by Liz Rosenberg. Now I'm not saying I'm a monster (usually), but I often do feel somewhat odd when it comes to parenting here in the States. Being from a different country ("Nah, my mommy is out of Germany!") and culture I tend to do things differently. Mostly not on purpose, but hey, some things, yes. We walk to school instead of driving. My kindergartener doesn't need a huge backpack AND lunch tote for the Wednesday folder. I don't think it's a problem that she can't write her numbers from 0 to 10. I do think kids should not be fed candy at school on non-birthday days. They shouldn't be pressured into selling stuff to collect money for the school either. I don't entertain her at the playground, because that's not what a playground full of kids is for. And no, we don't have a TV and she picks movies from the library.
When it comes to taking part in school life, my husband usually drops hint like "In American culture, it is expected that you ..." Write Thank You-cards. Call back immediately and offer to help. Purr over it and then toss it later. Why this is very helpful, it does remind me that I am far from knowing how to be in this culture.
Having a child I can't just step back and do things my way. I need to be out there, need to be involved and know how to work with what we got here (here I might differ from Monster Mama - she always stays hidden). This sometimes gets exhausting, but I know it's not for me, it's for Sophia who I will love no matter what - because I am her mother, even if I am a monster/German/...
Isa, I could write you a book in reply to this post.
ReplyDeletePeople keep asking me if I had a culture shock moving to the States from Germany. I then try to explain that it's not really a big shock, it is one that comes gradually, it's the little things in life that I just EXPECT to be the same but they're not, or things that are being EXPECTED of me while I had no idea about it. Or I just don't agree with how things are being done or how things are being viewed.
Latest when she's a grown-up Sophia will value her upbringing. My husband was in her shoes (Mom is German, raising her kids the German way in the States... limited TV.... limited candy... etc.) He appreciates it now and it made him the wonderful, open-minded person I enjoy spending my life with. :)
Thank you so much for this comment, I kept thinking about it all day! Good to know that we're together in this ;)
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